Why I’m Taking Time Off After Graduating College

I am taking a gap year after my final year of college, because I truly don’t know what I’m doing.

Sorry, I don’t believe in rushing life.

In nature, I know I’m a highly ambitious and a hustler. I literally don’t know how to take breaks. Even while making these blog posts, I typically have two months worth of posts done in advance. This only worsened when the pandemic hit, because I had all of this free time instead of going to concerts, readings, or films. I took on three internships in addition to my job at the school, and did seven internships in the span of a couple of months. I was writing every single day on top of this.

I worked really hard in college. I never took less than seven classes a semester, on top of working two jobs. I never really devoted much time to myself besides going to concerts or occasionally eating out with friends. And so, a personal ethos I’ve taken up during the pandemic is to live life more. Before I was so worried about my financial situation and my future, and while this did set me up for success now (I was capable of making enough money to almost completely pay off my student loans, since I wasn’t living in New York City anymore), I don’t really regret it.

It taught me to slow down now and enjoy my life. I never was interested in being rich or having a cushy 9-5 job where I was high up in the hierarchy. People called me not-ambitious because of this, because I didn’t want this boring and normal American life. It is so privileged to say that I have a home to go to and food to eat, because my parents were capable of making enough to own a home.

So, during my experimental gap year, I want to give back to the world. I want to volunteer, to learn more languages, take more risks creatively. I want to go to graduate school, but not now. I want to give back to myself and the world. I always thought I was going to die young, since I was a sickly kid and my mental health isn’t the greatest. And sometimes I still feel like that, that one day I will just keel over or get into a car accident and be gone.

We’re always told that we need this or that, that we’ll ruin our career if we do this. Googling this, I felt a sense of doom about my decision, but I will stand by it. My career is important to me, but it is not worth ruining myself for it.

Life is a game of choices, and I’ve made mine. Let’s make the most of this year. It’s already speculated that I will be going to Iran, teaching writing workshops, and taking an Indonesian class. This is only the beginning :)