Review of There’s Always Vanilla, directed by George A. Romero

You know, I typically don’t go for movies like There’s Always Vanilla. I was really bored one night and was down to watch anything, and after doom scrolling for a bit on MUBI, I ended up on this film. I don’t even think I even read the synopsis, but I faintly recognized the director’s name and decided to go with it.

I watched Night of the Living Dead many years ago when I was bored, but I didn’t fully realize that the director who did this movie was the same as the guy who did such a classic. This movie wasn’t it, and I don’t think that my hatred of romantic comedies is playing into that opinion completely.

According to my research after the fact, the director, Romero, considered this to be one of his worst films ever made. He never did a romantic comedy after the making of this movie, and, to be frank, it’s quite understandable how he came to that decision.

He probably saw what he did in this movie and decided to never touch it again with a ten foot pole. My sarcastic side of my brain, the one that’s pretty snarky, wants to make a joke about how self-aware he must’ve been.

He did make quite a few films throughout his lifetime though, which is what makes this statement from him pretty impressive.

Onwards with the review!

A former army member drifts between cities and meets what might be the love of his life.

Our protagonist in There’s Always Vanilla is Chris, who doesn’t really have much going for him in his life. We know that he was formerly in the United States Army, which isn’t a shock considering this is a movie made in the seventies (think: Vietnam and how many young men were forced to enlist during that era), but Chris seriously has no ambition what so ever to find a job.

He just kind of drifts from place to place in search of a gig to make money. The beginning of the movie shows that he doesn’t really care about what the job is, even if it means that he has to pimp himself out for it.

Anyways, after a brief stint where he plays guitar in a band in New York City, Charlie throws in the towel and has to head to his hometown of Pittsburgh. This is going to change his life, although his first night there is a disaster.

He tries to ring up an old girlfriend, although that’s done without much success, and then his father takes him out. His father reveals that he wants his son to have a stable life and career from now on, and tries to persuade him to give up his drifting ways. Charlie says no, despite his old man offering him an in at the family business.

After he leaves his father behind and heads to the train station, he meets a girl. She’s extremely beautiful, and as it turns out, she works as a model and actress locally. And Chris only seems to think with his heart, so he decides it’s his chance to woo this girl, and he kind of succeeds in this.

They end up moving together, but when the girl, Lynn, realizes that Chris doesn’t want to get a job or really do anything, she begins to resent him and what he represents. She tries to persuade Chris to go off and find stable work, but when she realizes she’s pregnant with his baby, she decides to get an abortion. Chris isn’t told of this fact.

Not long after that, Chris lands a job at an advertising firm, but quits when he’s given a job relating to the Army. As it turns out, his moral compass exists in some capacity, and he refuses to do anything with the Army due to his trauma and beliefs.

After he quits, Lynn decides to not go through with the abortion, but realizes Chris is useless, so she leaves him for good this time. Chris, wallowing in his self-pity, moves back in with his father because he has nowhere else to go for the time being.

His big life lesson is when his father gives him a grand speech about how life is an ice cream parlor and that we have to pick from all these exotic flavors. Granted, I think this is a terrible analogy considering A) ice cream costs money in the long run and B) women are not food items that you can casually pick up.

His father’s core advice is that there’s always vanilla to pick out from all these weird and strange flavors. It’s comforting, it’s familiar, and it’s reliable. That’s why you’d always go to vanilla. The final scene is then Lynn receiving a package from Chris that basically says to remember their time together.

Overall Thoughts

See this film for the mythology behind it, the fact that Romero considered it one of his worst works throughout his lifetime. Quite frankly, I don’t disagree with him there, but all in all, I think I’m glad I see this.

Sometimes in life you need a dud movie to appreciate all the other good movies you watch in the meantime. Am I annoyed I wasted a few hours watching this despite not liking it? Sure. But that’s life sometimes. Watch it if it interests you.

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