Review of The Great Wall / 長城, directed by Zhang Yimou

Maybe I’m dating myself here, but when I was in high school, The Great Wall came out. Back then, I was a lot more into Korean pop music than I am now as an adult, and I loved EXO. Specifically, I loved the Chinese version of EXO songs because I had already studied Mandarin Chinese for years now.

That said, I followed the group and their former members closely. I saw Lu Han was due to be starring in this movie, albeit in a more minor role, and I grouped my friends into going to see the movie with me.

We also ended up going to PF Chang’s, as there was a weird deal where if you saw this movie, you could get a dessert at PF Chang’s. The dessert, like everything else at PF Chang’a back then, was mediocre too. That PF Chang’s location no longer exists and is a Fogo de Chao now—I’m happy for this replacement.

I remembered how terrible the movie was, even though I knew nothing really about movies back then. But I was thinking about this movie for some reason lately, almost a decade later when writing this, and decided that it was time to revisit it despite not liking it in the first place.

So here’s my updated review almost a decade later!

Two white men find themselves tangled up in a fight against monsters.

This movie begins with an attack: a group of European mercenaries is heading for China, as they want gunpowder, but then a monster wips them out. Only William Garin and Pero Tovar are the suvivors of this group, and they bring the monster’s arm over the Great Wall with them.

However, when they arrive at the wall, they are arrested by the Nameless Order. Led by General Shao, this group takes down these alien monsters that the Europeans had encountered. Turns out the land is plagued by them every sixty years after a meteorite strike. This attack, though, is early.

The wall is then attacked by the aliens, and an Englishman who lives in China frees the two Europeans. The Europeans then join the fight against the monsters, saving the life of a soldier, and then slaying two monsters almost easily. The Order decides to keep them, having earned their respect.

The three Europeans then conspire to steal the gunpowder and flee, leaving the Order to deal with the monsters by themselves. However, by the night, two aliens climb the wall and kill General Shao, leaving the Commander named Lin to lead the Order.

An envoy then arrives, delivering the knowledge that they believe magnets can repel the aliens and even petrify them. Garin decides to help them out with this, and says they should capture one of the aliens. However, the other two Europeans get pissed off by this, as they want to get out of here.

The group captures an alien, and the theory that magnets can stop them works. We then learn that the aliens were distracting them this entire time to dig a hole at the wall. The two Europeans steal the gunpowder and flee, leaving Garin behind. He is then arrested for being a European too, and the Order ties him up in the wall.

Despite this, Ballard betrays Tovar, and is then killed by bandits themselves. The alien that was petrified wakes up in the capital, then tells its queen where to go. The Order now has to get to the capital quickly, setting Garin free, but then he joins them in their fight against the alien.

Peng sacrifices himself when the aliens surround them, and they lose Wang when they climb the tower. However, their plan to target the queen works when Garin throws his magnet into the horde of aliens. Lin throws a spear at the queen, who dies, and her subjects die with her.

Garin decides to return home after this, and takes Tovar with him instead of powder.

Overall Thoughts

Not only does this movie evoke the white savior stereotype, but it’s simply not well written. I remember how I wasn’t impressed with it all those years ago, when I was sixteen, and I’m still not impressed with it.

It’s amazing how sometimes Hollywood movies have a huge budget and still can’t make a product that’s solid. Some movies int he 1950s made for much less are more meaningful and impactful than this.

That said, if you haven’t seen Zhang’s earlier work in China, go watch that instead. I love the old school Chinese filmmakers from the 1990s and early 2000s and the work they put out then.

They were often reflections of Chinese attitudes and perspectives from a tumultuous time, including Zhang’s filmography. And they were done really well!

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