Review of I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokpokki by Baek Se-hee

*I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokpokki* by Baek Se-hee, translated by Anton Hur. Published by Bloomsbury Publishing.

I will admit, there was a time when this memoir (essays? letters?) first came out that I kept seeing it everywhere. People were lauding it as the book that RM from BTS had read, and while I’m generally skeptical of books celebrities read—because yes, I am a graduate student who thinks that, in a somewhat elitist way sometimes, that I want to read the books that often slip through the cracks.

That’s a privilege because a lot of the times you have to be able to have the money to purchase these books, which typically aren’t at libraries—I ended up falling for the hype of the book and checking a copy out at my local library.

And I will also admit this: I did not expect this to be such an easy, quick read. Sure, the content isn’t that easy at certain moments, especially if you’re someone who also struggles with mental health and depression throughout your lifetime.

I’ve had my fair share of these conversations myself, but I think that I wasn’t triggered by it—but someone else definitely would. This is a brief read though because of its format, as it’s literally just conversations with the author’s therapist.

Let’s get into the review, shall we?

Conversations between a therapist and their client.

To specify, Baek is the one who is the client in this scenario. This text is essentially transcriptions of her conversations between her therapist and her, which range from a wide variety of topics.

This takes place over the course of twelve weeks, and if you go into this book expecting more than simple conversations about therapy and the sad feelings Baek is going up against every day in her life, then you’re probably not going to be a fan of this book.

Basically, Baek is someone considered successful by modern standards. She has a solid job as a social media director, and she works at a publishing house when she realizes that she is beginning to have some harsh feelings about herself and others.

The early conversations are about how she sees herself having a lot less energy than usual, and doubting what she’s doing everyday. There are also some anecdotes she gives to her therapist about how she’s becoming more judgmental with people in her life.

Yet, when she’s out with friends and loved ones, she hides all of this so well. This is leading her into a rut because she feels like she can’t connect with others, as she’s hiding her true self and what she really thinks, and this then sends her into a deeper spiral because of how she feels trapped inside of herself.

This becomes more obvious the more these conversations go on between the two.

I think the barrier to entry for this book for Westerners, too, is not understanding how stigmatized all of this is for Koreans. Therapy, especially when this was originally published, is not something that’s considered normal in South Korea.

This is a book that is revolutionary because it’s written by a woman and it’s talking about a lot of issues that are often swept under the rug in the author’s culture.

I also believe that marketing this as memoir and self-help can mislead audiences, although this is more memoir form, just through transcriptions. It’s not the conventional one people are thinking of when they conjure up the word memoir in their brains.

So while this might touch Korean audiences, American audiences might shrug off the content and decide that it’s something they’ve seen before.

Overall Thoughts

I myself did not think about the book positively at first, but with time and research I began to situate it and how it’s needed. Like I said, American audiences might find this a generic book, but Korean audiences might feel seen with this content.

Our version of self help isn’t the same as another country’s version, which is something we need to keep in mind, especially as we consume more books from abroad in the era of globalization.

Lots to think about here. I’m glad I read this despite my initial feelings though!

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