Grad School, Freelancing, and Working
Going to graduate school and working almost full-time has been interesting.
Dear blog fans, you’ve probably noticed that my updates aren’t what they used to be. As I’m writing this at the end of September in 2022, I’m staring at the lack of posts and thinking wow, I really let this get out of hand. There’s this inherent sense of guilt, especially because I have been unable to actually sit down and write for awhile. A little on me: I am a goal driven person. I am typically running on my own sense of goals, not others, and I spend the vast amount of my time just ruminating alone. I hate going out and thus I have a tendency to keep working and stewing on my creative processes.
When I finished undergrad and was waiting to start graduate school, I had all the time in the world it seemed like. I was making such good money writing articles and reviews, then I was four months ahead of my blog posts. And then graduate school started, I began a job at the school, and commuting thirty minutes was suddenly pretty exhausting for someone who had little social interaction in two and a half years.
Good writing takes time to marinate.
I haven’t been writing much. A lot of my writing has solely been focused on academic research, which makes sense considering the context of what I am studying right now. I sometimes sit and try to force myself to write, which is how some of my better work comes out, but a lot of the work I am really happy with tends to come spontaneously when I’m not too stressed out. When I get like this, I allow my environment and life decisions to better inform how my writing may go in the future.
I think a lot of people have a tendency to deny themselves the right to live in search of success too soon, which is why I tend to disapprove of young writers trying to publish their work far and wide at a young age. A lot of writers simply did not start out that way, and I think it’s a lot wiser to develop craft before making everything very very public. Granted, a lot of people will disagree with me, but my practice has been informed by simply growing up and going out into the world.
Young adults don’t know much about life. They can write about reality as they know it—I’m not dismissing their life experiences. But it’s hard to write about true grief and heartbreak if you yourself have never experienced it. So go out and live. Right now, as a graduate student, I’m letting my research weave itself into my writing. How can I tell the story of humanity in a poem? What about power dynamics? There’s so much to explore and teach, so while I’m not writing right now, I’m excited for what the world holds for my artistic practices.
Next semester, I am going to lighten my workload.
I don’t know why I work so hard. Perhaps I truly inherited my parents’ work ethics, which stemmed from a genuine need to survive in this world. For those of my dedicated blog fans, you’ve probably noticed I’m taking more frequent breaks as of late in order to try and catch up with the workload. Before, I used to have up to three months’ worth of content scheduled in advance, but I just haven’t had the time to sit and actually write blog posts during the academic semesters. I have way too much work in order to simply focus on a book review, which is really sad but true in the grand scheme of things.
My second semester of graduate school, I have decided I’m going to only take two classes. Previously, I took three in my first semester along with working multiple jobs and freelancing. It looks like the next semester I might have a Graduate Assistantship, which means I can take my classes for free up until a certain amount of credits, but the caveat is I am going to have to work ten hours. I’m totally fine with that, but the decreased workload is going to feel so nice.
I also liberated myself by realizing that I no longer wanted to pursue a PhD. I want to go out into the world and become a practitioner in my arts, research, and theories. Going to grad school made me realize that I didn’t want to make these conversations gate-kept to certain communities who can afford a master’s degree or has the privilege to be in a doctoral program. I have a tendency to look down on Ivy Leagues and the people who attend them because of the sheer amount of knowledge they keep under lock and key, as well as the economic barriers of getting to that point.
Find a balance might be the theme and motto of this blog post. I always say I’m one step ahead in finding out how much happier I can become, and this is just another.
